| So i purged twice. but thats all. i hope i dont do it again. right now i dont feel an urge to binge and purge.
sooooo the weekend was great. me and the boy played house because my whole family went to st. louis and i had the house to myself. we had sex 5 times, cuddled a lot, took a shower together, and i got to wake up to his cute little face right next to me. it was really nice. now i REALLY want to live with him. i already know im gonna marry this boy. hes just so sweet. hes not like most guys. i mean he is really sensitive and caring and i have no fear of him ever cheating or even looking at another girl. i can tell hes all in and so am i.
ummm im making yeast bread right now. just thought you would like to know. i learned how to do it in my food science class and i think its a really cool art form. it also a lost art form. lots of people make quick breads, but hardly anybody makes their own yeast bread now a days. sure, it take over 3 hours, but just having the smell of bread wafting through the house is worth it.
umm ive been sticking to my plan. hahah kind of. i do need to get more strict.
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| i relapsed.
great.
i hadnt purged since spring.
i feel horrible.
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| B: apple (80), puffin cereal with soy milk (220)
L: black beans (120), broccoli (25)
D: tomato soup (250), saltines (120), green tea (0)
TOTAL: 815
*sigh* so i guess i eat pretty much the same thing everyday which i know isnt good. i need to try to switch it up.
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Ok. i dont have time to figure out the average of my normal eating. i need to start restricting NOW. so for now im gonna stay under 1000 calories. Heres to starting over again.
B: apple (80)
L: tomato soup (250), saltines (160), green tea (0)
S: pretzels (100), mango (80)
D: broccoli (35), faux chickn (160), pineapple (70), green tea (0)
TOTAL: 835
ok so i stayed within my limit but id like to gradually get it down lower
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| oh jeez. i have GOT to get back on track. i havnt updated this thing in a loooooooong time.
so i dont really remember where i left off...i suppose i could have just gone to my page a read but oh well.
so, did the rehab thing. didnt help at first but now i guess you could say im "recovered." i mean, im a normal weight now for my height (130) and my period came back, but i still have horrible self esteem and i do still thing that ima fatty. i really want to get back down to 110. ive got a horrible case of fat face that i need to get rid of. oh and my thighs touch when my feet are together. and last but not least my friggin boobs are back. ugh. i dont like having boobs. my boyfriend would die if they shrunk though.
Speaking of the boyfriend. hes so great. i mean hes probably why ive gotten healthy. he says im perfect the way i am. i dont believe that but it still makes me feel good that at least he thinks im beautiful.
i havnt been excersing a lot though and id like to blame that on him :p hahah. all my free time is spent doing homework or cuddling with him. we do make a sexy time quite often which burns some calories but hardly counts as working out :p
i guess overall thing are good though. i still feel kind of hypocritical for being a nutrition major, but i do truely love learning about nutrition and i think im pretty good at it. plus my experience with being vegan and having an eating disorder will give me some insight in my career.
anyway...heres to getting back on the weight loss track!
B: puffins cereal w/ soy milk (300)
S: apple (80), Kind plus antioxidants bar (190)
L: tomato soup (250), saltines (120)
D: faux chickn (140), broccoli (40), soy milk (90)
TOTAL: 1210
hmm not too bad considering i wasnt really trying to restrict or anything.
ok so my main goal right now is to stop eating so much sugar! agh!
edit::
ok so i figured out that in order for me to lose 2 pounds a week im gonna need a net loss of 1000 calories a day. which would mean 7000 calories less a week. so im not exactly sure how many calories im consuming right now but im guessing its around 2000 (which is healthy, but is not gonna help me lose weight). So for now im just gonna count my calories and figure out an average amount i have per day. then subtract 1000. im guessing that basically my limit is gonna be 1000 a day total.
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